Toastmasters Amsterdam

Toastmasters is an international organization that offers a supportive environment for people who want to learn and/or improve their communication and listening skills. There are a couple of Toastmasters club in the Netherlands. Most of them are English spoken and some are Dutch spoken.

Last Friday I went to the Hilton Hotel in Amsterdam to visit Toastmasters club Amsterdam. They speak English here. The people in this club have different backgrounds, cultures, motivations etc. In each Toastmasters club in the world you can expect people who are absolute beginners and just want to conquer their fear of public speaking, advanced speakers and everything in between.

The session started and I noticed that the meeting was as formal as the setting/scene. Everything was scheduled:

- Who was going to speak about what en when.
- Who was going to evaluate them
- Timekeeper
- Who was going to count how many times a speakers says 'uhhhhs' and 'ahhhss' and 'uhmmm' etc.
- Grammarian
- and there were more roles, can't remember all

The meeting took 2 hours and after 90 minutes I saw some performances of beginners, intermediate and advanced speakers. (just as I expected)

Now there were 30 minutes to go and it was time for "Table Topics": The part of the meeting where members get to think on their feet and speak for a minute or two on a topic selected by the Table Topic Master (Yes, that is a role too). Topics range from politics and current events to hobbies and entertainment. Fast, lively and always entertaining.

I didn't know exactly what it was, so I got that definition from Google.

Tonight's theme was: Tolerance. Every table topic was related to that word. The table master asked random people to come up and give their answers and/or perspectives on questions like:

- What would be something that YOU just can't tolerate?
- What would you be more tolerant about in another situation, place or part of the world whereas you would not be tolerant about that in your own hometown/country/situation and why?
- If there would be one thing in the world people should be more tolerant about, what would that be?

Crap, I can present well when I'm prepared. Thinking and speaking on the spot in front of 30 strangers is something that makes my heart goes boom-boom-boom-boom-boom very fast.

So I got picked by the Table-topic Master to tell the audience what I believe the one thing is that people should be more tolerant about in the world. I was sitting in the back and I had to walk up to the front. The people gave me an encouraging applause, but it sure was one of the longest 16 meters I walked in my life.

I stood there and said: " If there would be one thing in the world people should be more tolerant about it would be: cultural differences (I said that with a lot of confidence as if I knew exactly what I was going to say next)


I didn't.


However, I could just feel that I had caught the attention from most people in the room. Too bad I didn't had a brilliant, outspoken explanation to support that opinion I just made. 


But I had a story about culture. One that I love to tell because I noticed that, especially Asians, can relate to this story. One Taiwanese woman talked a little about the Chinese culture during her performance earlier on and I just wanted to make some things a little more clear. 

I told this story with enthusiasm, passion, energy and suddenly I felt more comfortable speaking in front of these people than sitting in the back.

I finished my talking and when I walked back to my seat I had the weirdest feeling I ever had after speaking in public, because I fucked up and did a good job at the same time. Depends on how I want to see it. I messed up because I totally did NOT answer the question, exceeded the time limit with 2 minutes (didn't know there was a time-limit for table topics) and apparently I said 'uhhhh' 11 times. I did a good job because I know I spoke with enthusiasm and energy. I consider energy to be THE most important thing when you speak no matter when, with who or why. Nothing matters more than energy. Real enthusiasm and energy is what keeps people awake, attracted to you and open. I particularly remembered one person in the audience smiling at me when I was speaking, it was a real smile. I know a real smile when I see one. That means one thing for sure: she was with me, present and listening. I feel I might have given people some interesting insights about me and/or the Chinese culture. Some value. I really don't care too much about the fact that I did not answered the question.

After the meeting one guy came up to me and said:

"Hey, you did a good job out there"

- Ah really? Thanks.

"Yeah, especially for somebody who speaks here for the first time. I think, with some practice, you can become a great speaker"

- Thank you so much

Eyo.

There are some things I can't handle well and of those things is accepting praise and compliments (and criticism to make it more complicated for ya). I have the habit of assuming that the compliment is being given without genuine intent. I just seldom feel they are genuine. I had a realization when somebody later that night told me that even when someone makes compliment out of contempt, there is always some dark jealous truth behind their own heart. I would like to know how you handle compliments and praise and tell me if you can relate to my perspective. Open my mind on this one.

Still not over you

I never stopped loving you and if I ever get the chance to make you mine, I will.
*Love songs playing in my head nshht*

Crucial Conversations

I just start reading a book called Crucial Conversations. Written by several authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny & Ron McMillan. (Founders of VitalSmarts, Industry: Corporate training and organizational performance).

The books offers tools (Techniques) to deal with crucial conversations we all have in our lives.

Crucial conversation:
A conversation between 2 or more individuals when (1) stakes are high, (2) opinion vary and (3) emotions run strong.


It is hard to have a crucial conversation because something happens inside our body when we feel a certain pressure during important conversations. Even if we don't really want to, our brain pumps blood into the big muscles of our arms and legs and two little organs just above our kidneys release adrenaline. It prepares our body to fight or flight. Less blood is pumped into the part of the brains that enables us to reason and now we start to argue like animals.

Not really, but kinda?

I just start reading it and there is so much profound information given about why, when and how to deal with important conversations in our lives. Think about a couple situations we probably all face that just require a healthy dialogue to improve our lives' and lives of people around us tremendously.

- Important conversations with a spouse, friend or family member
- Asking for a pay raise
- Giving feedback on the management
- Telling a person how their behavior/mannerism affects things

'Crucial Conversations' provides tools to deal with crucial conversations we all have or will have (I mean should have!) in our personal and professional lives. Most of the people who are able to control the things that happen inside their body(the genes thing), know exactly what they want to say, communicate clearly what they want to say (the ones who master these conversations skills) are always the ones who have richer relationships, are more wealthy and healthier compared to most people. But that's not all we need to do; we'll have to start from the heart (What does that mean eh?) and be able to listen deeply and understand the other persons' perspective first.

It doesn't seem to be easy to master these skills. Simply, because it's a good thing. Good things don't come easy. You wouldn't be convinced to learn how to communicate better during crucial conversations if you don't have any reasons to do so, if you don't have the why. If there is something inside of you now that say's: 'Yeah, you almost convinced me to spend these 15 dollars', try to read the first 50 pages (check the library, go to the bookstore or try to download it (tried that, couldn't find it). When I read the first 50 pages and started to reflect on myself, I imagined how much difference I could make if I take this long road to master crucial conversation-skills.

(Dutch version is available)

Morning rituals

This is how my mornings mostly looks like:

1. 'Wake up' somewhere between 8.30 and 9.30, depending on my schedule and my hours of sleep. Sometimes I just stay in bed for about 8 minutes after the alarm goes off, taking my time to wake up.

2. Go downstairs: Turn on my laptop and my cellphone. Make coffee and make something that I call breakfast.

3. Check email, Facebook and new items on Hypebeast.com and Highsnobiety.com. 

By this time my body did not get the nutrition it needs on the long term. My mind didn't obtained any useful information. I might even see some complaining on Facebook. Sometimes I read the newspaper to see what's going on in the world. But waking up and hearing/reading negative things is just not a good start of the day. It is not going to be a part of my morning ritual anymore. And I will block those people on FB too so I don't get to see their posts again. 

As I reflect on this, I conclude it is just a bad routine combined with unhealthy habits.

I read an article about how important morning rituals are and how they may affect you the rest of the day. I also watched a program of a successful entrepreneur describing his morning rituals and explaining why the morning is (besides sleep) the most important moment of the day. It made so much sense to me in my head when I heard him talking, that I decided to wake up today at 7.15 am to start a new and more healthy morning ritual myself.

1. I woke up immediately. No snooze-stuff and waisting time in bed.
2. Drank 1/2 liter of purified water. I do this because the human body needs enough water in the morning. Your body dehydrates a lot during your sleep, because it burns energy to recover your muscles, brains and protect the immune system. (Did you know that caffeine dehydrates the body? So if you like to drink coffee, Redbull and other caffeine-containing (soft)drinks, make sure you drink extra water.)
3. I ate two pieces of fruit. One apple and one banana. Then I took two vitamin pills, because mother always told me to. Good boy.
4. I skipped number 4. I was supposed to eat some unpopular breakfast. Something close to organic, rich/raw food. Couldn't find any of that in the house and I didn't bought any, because I made this plan just the night before. Should buy it Monday.
5. Put on my training gear and jogged to a soccer pitch for a warming up of the body. There is an exercise I once learned which is called 'De Zonnegroet' or 'the Sun Salution'. So I did some stretching and said 'Hello!' to the sun.
6. Went home to sweep all the red firework dirt from the porch.
7. Found some brown bread in the refrigerator and made a sandwich.
8. Made green tea and just hopes it is actually quality green tea with antioxidants.
9. Write some stuff, whether it makes immediately sense to me or not.
10. Turn on laptop and post this on my blog.

This feels a lot better than my old routine. I feel better and it will get better once I maintain and improve my morning ritual. I now see it as THAT moment of the day I make myself strong and create that energy to work more effectively and take on external crap I will face the rest of the day. It's good they call it a ritual and not morning-habits or routine. It has something sacred to it.

This little exercise is called de Zonnegroet or 'the Sun Salutation':